My New Beginning

So the time has come, my surgery is tomorrow, and i predicted 4months ago that we would get hit by snow of course right before my surgery. (go figure) i have to be at NorthShore Evanston Hospital at 6am .. Surgery is at 7:30, and by 12pm I should be out. This means i get to wake up at 4am, joy :(....

This is perhaps the scariest thing Incan imagine, but the thought of having cancer inside of me is far more frightening, so off I go to begin a new life that will never be the same after tomorrow. I've never had to stay in a hospital so I'm nervous about that as well.. I'll likely be there two nights and three days and should be able to come home sunday afternoon *fingers crossed*

since i dont have much of a tolerance for pain killers im also worried about pain management but im hoping for the best. I keep telling myself atleast I get to keep my arms and legs, but nothing really takes away the fear. I just hope that tomorrow will be my last "cancer surgery" and after that I can feel (as much a possible) that I am cancer free. Also in the next week ill find out for certain if radiation is in my future, if so that will be the last of my heavy treatments, and then ill just be on a hormone blocker for 5years.

I sometimes wonder if ill ever get my life back, and the truth is.. I wont. I'll never be the same mentally and certainly not physically. I hope my new life can be as good if not better then it was before, because I now know that every single day is a gift, every moment I have is one that I may not have. Because of this new found respect for life I dont get upset by little things like a cold, bad day,.. Or how incredibly ignorant most people can be.

The truth is no one knows how long they'll have on this earth. Its something we talk about carelessly, especially in our 20s.. But people in their 20s die every day, and still most take what they have for granted. I think the trick is to live life not afraid of what may happen, but instead appreciate what has not happened and how fortunate we actually are.

Tomorrow is my new beginning, and I could not have gotten this far without my real life heros, who have walked in these shoes before me, with me, or beside me. Thank you.. You know who you are <3