GROWTH: The beauty and the tragedy.

It wasn't until the other day that I realized something about my most recent artwork, and it truthfully creeped me out. the past 2-3 years, and for my BFA show I had been OBSESSED with drawing these organic blob like/ lumpy things. (I don't know what to call them still)

So I've been wondering what possessed me to draw these "growths"? I drew them on everything.. doodles that turned into screen prints? Did my subconscious know there was something happening inside of me? did it know cancer was developing? It completely freaked me out. Whether or not this is true, especially after what I've been through I find them beautiful more then ever. These "growths" that formulated as designs.. know hold a bigger meaning.

When we think about growing.. we think of change typically for the better. Not until we hear the word cancer does it make out heart stop in our chest. The one type of growth no one wants, but isn't it just as beautiful? Sure its destruction is horrifying but if we think of it in the bigger picture of how things grow and evolve. The way it gives us perspective, helps us to grow mentally, to survive.

Here are my screen prints from my BFA show a few years ago:

Also I'm going to be putting up some prints and other fun "makings" in my etsy shop in the next few days, please check it out! and help a poor artist out ;)

CLICK HERE!

New Normal :)

Its been hard on be to reflect on this surgery until recently, now that I feel more like myself again it makes it a little easier. I finally can drive myself again.. which i think was the hardest part of recovery. That and I felt like a victim of one of the SAW movies. I was honestly afraid I would never feel normal again, but now almost two months out I can see the light on the horizon. I can finally sleep on one side, and can pick up my fat chihuahua.. still no Zoey though, that will be awhile.

I've also realized how genius my surgeons truly are, I'm so grateful I found them :) My second surgery will be in May shortly after my 24th birthday! and I will have one or two follow up surgeries (hopefully with twilight) I hate general anesthesia.. and it doesn't even effect me really, I'm totally alert and feel fine afterwards.. except for how you can tell there was a tube shoved down your throat- that part I do not like. Also having an IV in my hand for those 2 days created two lovely hard scar tissue bumps in my vein which is totally gross and was really painful for awhile. From here on out though my surgeries are all for cosmetic reasons which is a relief!

Also my eyebrows and eyelashes are back in full force and my hair is growing in the same blonde it left as which makes me so happy. In another month or two I'll be getting a hair cut, and will post some short hair pictures! (assuming it looks ok) haha.

I recently took a look at all the makeup/products I use and there are some scary things in them. I have to get rid of probably half of everything due to parabens and other bad preservatives that have some links to causing cancer. Also deodorant is going in the trash even though my doctors say it didn't CAUSE my cancer, I find it hard to believe it didn't contribute. Some products that are natural and paraben free that I've found so far:

- burts bees

- aveeno lotions/body wash

- bare minerals- mascara & powders

- clinique concealer ( concealer is hard to find without scary stuff, and this kind is pricy)

- St. Ives - tea tree face wash (love) and other products

- Lush cosmetics- all natural/vegan deodorant and solid perfumes

In 3 weeks i will be flying on an airplane to see one of my most favorite people I know in the world in Florida, on Lido Key :) with my bestest friend of all time! I'm so excited for warm weather I could scream. Here are some pictures from my last trip, its definitely the place you want to go to relax and reboost your energy.