The thing about dreams....

I had sort of an Ah-ha moment today and it pretty much freaked me out. When i talk about what this sort of experience not just chemo, but genetic testing, facing multiple surgeries, and therefore multiple decisions i describe it as standing in the middle of a giant tornado. From where you're standing time has stopped, you're anxious and your heart is racing. No matter which direction you go (or decision you make) you're not going to make it out unharmed. This is a fact not a feeling and it scares the life out of you but you have to chose. When you're in the middle you can't see clearly in any direction but you still have to make a move. I've always had crazy ass dreams but today i realized before my diagnosis i was having dreams about tornados. Freaky.