A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I knew what no doctor could tell me yet, in fact what they told me WASN'T possible. I knew something was terribly wrong and that my body was trying to kill me. Too afraid to think it in my own head I hoped for a different answer.

This week a year ago today they were sticking me with needles over and over again, several biopsies just to be sure. Then on 8/10/11 I got the call. This Friday will be one year exactly since the day I was diagnosed with cancer.

The absolute scariest day of my life. A year ago today I didn't know if I would be here to see today or this summer. I didn't know what I would look like or how I would feel.

I lost a lot over the last year, I lost my job, my hair, my 23yr old body, my breasts. I lost a lot of friends, but only because they weren't really friends to begin with. Fortunately I gained friends I didn't know I had. Actually people I've known for the least amount of time have become my biggest supporters through chemo, shaving my head, surgery.

Some people can't deal, and I get that.. But cancer brings out the true colors in people, and sometimes it's the opposite of what you expect.

A year ago today I didn't know I'd have short hair, or be back in the city right where I was when my world came crashing down. I'm back on my feet, and certainly with a different outlook. I know I won't be free of this disease until the day I die from something else- but hopefully I'm wrinkly and old when that day comes.

Although I had a lot of people run and hide, or in the case of my work especially turn their backs on me. I'm so grateful I don't work at a place that abuses me, and that I don't have those friends who clearly don't care.

I'm stronger today then I knew I could be. I still have one surgery to go - followed by more every 10-15 years for the rest of my hopefully long life.

Some people like to call cancer a gift. It's anything but a gift and those people are full of it. Yes it can change you for the better, absolutely. But to call something a gift when there are some who don't survive makes no sense to me. It's a gift to be alive.

A year ago today I saved my own life by standing up and telling everyone who would listen that something was wrong. I'm glad I did because if I hadn't I would not be here today.


Here I was on my 23rd birthday unaware of the year I was about to take on. This year I spent my 24th birthday getting ready for surgery.

You never know when your life can be ripped away from you, so live every minute and do what makes you happy. GET BUSY LIVING. :)